Happiness Is An Inside Power...

The Outside World Is A
Reflection of What Is Unresolved Within

How To Be Happy Series #3
My 20 personal truths to happiness!

How to be happy #1:
You're in it for the long haul. No short cuts!  

I didn't stumble on it. It was no accident.

I cried rivers. I sweated blood and tears. I carved my happiness inch by inch.

I shaped it into being. It's not that happiness isn't possible. It takes patience and willingness to do things even when there're no results. When you're freakin' unhappy, that's really hard to do. I just found being unhappy unbearable. It wasn't a choice for me. Whether I felt like it or not I was compelled to make a change. I wasn't chasing pleasure. I wasn't seeking a noble way of being.

I wanted out of the suffering. I found clearing a path for happiness made space for something deeper to root.  There was a recipe to happy living. And the quest for it has made me a better person. 

I found that I can be sad or scared, and still feel a deep sense of happiness inside. Gone was the darkness that had ravaged me for years. In my past life (that's how far away it feels), my predominant thinking was fearful, angry and depressed. I still have those thoughts...

...No longer though do they preoccupy my mind. I actively trained my thinking into a different way of being. My thought patterns now are of a higher quality. Not much higher I might add. But enough though to FEEL a connection and well-being inside.


How to be happy #2:

Happiness is a state of mind and it can be trained. 

"We have to know from ourselves, there are certain states of mind that are conducive to this flourishing, to this well-being, what the Greeks called eudaimonia, flourishing."

- Mattieu Ricard

.

Before I thought my pain was a part of me. It dawned on me I had trained my pain to stay.

I decided to challenge it. I refused to quit. I did bouts of mental training and meditation (although not consistently but often enough to break through.) Still, I do so. A life time endeavor.

I overwork sometimes. I sacrifice my happiness habits for outside reward. A sensation begins to rise within me - it reminds of what  I once was - empty inside. I know now what spiralling downwards looks like. I know what I've neglected. These habits are the foundation of my recipe for happy living. 

I've no control over what life brings to me. But I've found I've control over making my happiness habits happen. This gives me far greater control over my inner world. 

I intend to thrive in mastering my myself. Even if it takes me many lifetimes. I am willing. 


How to be happy #3:

Happiness won't be chased at all. 
Not by any means, not for any goal. 

Clearing a path for happiness means you must give up the chase. Not just of the stuff that ends up making you feel bad. Like that guy who doesn't want you, or the high you can't have. It means giving up the the role of Dream Chaser. Instead become the dream maker. You love the journey more than the chase. The goals are second. Each day you build bricks. No highs. No pains. Drama free. 

The very chase for her is the cause of your greatest pain. Honestly, if you’re in hell, chasing happiness is only gonna make you feel worse. You wonder what’s wrong with you and you judge where you’re at. Because you’re not your ideal you have in your head. Who taght you you need to be something you’re not.

Which brings me to the next - expect spiritual and emotional winters in your life. Expect things to fall apart. When they do (for they will) the best way to manage the stress is not to hate yourself for it. Because you're human.


How to be happy #4:

Expect the winter

Life has its winters. There’s no escape from that. Every human at some point will experience an emotional winter, a spiritual winter and a creative winter. Winters may be cold, and even gloomy...

...but it’s also a time you can feel truly alive. If you’re willing to step outdoors. Winters are a time to shed what you don’t want, and to plant new seeds. Take heed, Guard your thoughts. They are the very conception of your reality.

Take these 6 stress management tips home with you, so that you can increase the way you deal with the worst. It will help you make the most of it. For what follows winter but spring. 

This is what I teach in Freshstart Bootcamp Series

After every winter, comes spring. The quality of your spring depends on what you've done with your winter. What seeds did you plant? Every happiness habit you sow, shall be reaped in your summer time. 

Are you filled with self-hate for where you are in your life right now? Or are you treating spring like spring break - getting high, getting drunk - releasing your stress every which way you know how.

By the time you get to fall you'll be hungover and even more stressed. Cleaning up one hell of a mess!

If you’ve planted well, it’ll be the summer of your life. You’ll be ready for action. You’ll be ready to soar. Don’t decide what you think the outcomes should look like, nor what you expect to receive in the fall.

Your job is to believe and do the inner work. That's all. 


How to be happy #5:

How to sleep at night.

The harvest you reap in the fall. Now its’ time for giving. Ideally, if you’re smart, do that all year round. Kindness let’s you sleep at night.

Guilt fills you with insomnia and dread. The terror of guilt is somewhat different to the fear of what things may go wrong. Yes, that fear can keep you up at night but not like your guilt. Most times you don't notice it as guilt. Your days are rushed, and the things that weigh heavy on your conscience are done in small moments.

Often you've have good reason. That doesn't mean you don't feel it. For everything you think and do is remembered in the subconscious. It is from here that you become who you are. 

Keep your promises. To yourself and others. Guard how you treat people. What you say and what you do matters.

Sleep is when serotonin is made. It is this happy chemical that keeps you relaxed and confident. It is this happy chemical that balances out your stress chemicals. 

There is more that goes into dealing with insomnia (and the making of serotonin). You can learn more about this is in the free happiness course.  

Make it a priority. Without sleep, you'll see a darkness that is not there. Here is another source of how to help yourself sleep better. (Opens to a different website). 


How to be happy #6:

She can be made. She's a habit.

She doesn’t just happen when you’re not looking. Stop waiting for her before you really, really live. No matter how much you achieve, no matter how you good you are inside - life has pain. People you love will leave you. You’ll do big things and fail. Not everyone you dig will like you back. Sickness comes and goes. Life is NOW. You get to live it no matter what. The greatest happiness principle I discovered is that everything in life is FOR me. Especially the bad stuff.

The good news is that happiness can be made. It turns out this is an art, Making happiness is not chasing her or waiting on her. Making happiness is an every day beautiful craft. It’s not about the end goal. But about the BEING. Making happiness can give you that. You just gotta know how. 

Happiness ultimately is a habit. You can become wired towards behaviours and thoughts that produce happier hormones and chemicals in your body. Or you can stay wired to behaviours and thoughts that produce unhappy chemicals. 

Happiness habits require a change in lifestyle, a change in attitude. For many this feels like too much hard work. Or that it means a life without pleasure.

What would you prefer? To have momentary pleasure with dominant feelings of pain and lethargy or to have long lasting full feelings of love inside (even if that means change)? 

The single reason people choose the former, is they don't believe happiness is really possible. They think moments of pleasure are all they'll have.

But it's not true. 


How to be happy #7:

No one is coming to save you. I know. I waited for 15 years.

No one is going to save you. Let me say that again. NO ONE is going to save you. You’ve gotta save you. Stop waiting and get moving on a saving yourself.

No one is going to save you. Let me say that again. NO ONE is going to save you. You’ve gotta save you. Stop waiting and get moving on a saving yourself.

No one is going to save you. Let me say that again. NO ONE is going to save you. You’ve gotta save you. Stop waiting and get moving on a saving yourself.


How to be happy #8:  

Your environment is bigger than you. 
But you are a bigger than your environment.

Authentic happiness has nothing to do with your environment. Unless your only definition of happiness is comfort and pleasure. Of course if you’re living in the middle of a war -  stress, fear, loss and pain will reign. But countries that have the most money have not been found to have the highest happiness states.

While environment has its influence, stop giving it so much cause. You’ll feel alive with new power when you understand that no matter where you are in life, no matter what your lot, there is a way to change both how you feel, and your outside situation too. 

How to be happy #9:

The yearning....

The yearning you feel inside, for your dream, to feel alive - is a spiritual yearning. No one can give you that. It’s between you and God

To paraphrase Deepak Chopra, 'all acts of self destruction are a result of disconnection with Source.'

That work can only be done within.

Meditation is the ultimate method to increase your own Light. But don’t expect to feel at peace when you sit down to do it. Every dark thought you’ve ever had will show itself. Like the events in our lives, they show us what is unresolved and calling for attention within. 


How to be happy #10:

 There is nothing wrong with you.Why most people fail to find inner happiness!

The reason most people fail to gain any notion of authentic happiness in their lives is impatience, and the unwillingness to do what it takes. You won’t give up your pleasures for the deeper inner work required to invite happiness in. You’re terrified you’ll be bored. You’re addicted to the excitement the drama and doubts bring. Or it just feels so hard. You don't believe in it enough for it to feel worth it. 

Have you ever given this thought?


How to be happy #11:

Forgiveness is a pre-requisite to any kind of inner well being.

You’d have to forgive. Every single person and thing. You fear if you forgive it’s like saying it's okay. That what they did doesn’t matter. When it does. This single fear will keep you in hell for the rest of your life.

Give up your resentment and live your life calling instead. Every second wasted on someone else's life is a a notch more towards your unhappiness. Venting won't give you want you want. They're not thinking about you. while you're thinking about them. Nor can you force them too.  

Ultimately you'll find, the person you're most angry with is you. Here is where your deepest forgiveness work lies. 

How to be happy #12:

For the skeptics. Skeptics will prove themselves right. You get what you look for most. Enuf said!!!

How to be happy #13:

Why you must exercise. And why it isn't enough.

Exercise does make you happier but not in isolation. That’s just about true for anything we do. There are many cogs in the bigger wheel. You gotta pay attention to every single one.

But exercise according to Harvard happiness expert Shawn Achor, teaches the brain that what you do matters. When you understand this, you'll never feel helpless again. Exercise also releases dopamine - the motivation chemical; and endorphins - the body's natural pain killer. It gets the blood going and sends oxygen to the brain. 

It's a great way to get a natural high. You'll feel alive. You'll feel confident and strong. 


How to be happy #14:

On therapy.

Therapy doesn’t make you happy. It’s just helps you understand why you’re so unhappy. But it does bring relief. It helps you know you’re not alone. If you're keeping it all in, and you feel like you're falling apart, find a great therapist. And if not, seek and seek again. The best therapists will not only really listen, so you'll feel understood - they'll ask you great questions making you rethink the way you see the world. 


How to be happy #15:

Dreams don't make you happy!
They make you great!

Building dreams are worthy pursuits. They polish your spirit into a diamond. Happier people handle their problems better. Dreams will show you just how happy you really are. Coz you're gonna fail. It’s gonna be hard. You're gonna disappoint people and drop many balls.

You’ll get a bad rep no matter what you do coz you’ll always have haters.


How to be happy #16:

The best of happiness is found in meaning and engagement but eating bananas and potatoes helped me more.

The best of happiness is when you’re feel a deep sense of meaning and live each day engaged with life no matter what’s on your plate. The truest happiness is when you’re tuned into your own source of love. This is what the experts say. I am most definitely in agreement.

BUT...

...I was never short on meaning and engagement. I've known that what I do matters. It didn't stop the misery. I found it's possible to be totally fulfilled, and still live in misery. How many activists do I know - who live in hell? In the same way I now find, I can be totally stressed and still be happy. There is something more at play.

It was exercise, meditation, changing my story and wait for it - eating whole carbs like banana and potato that did the trick. 

And knowing I can make money from my work - If I'm honest, while I want that not to matter, it sure does help. 

What does happiness mean to you? 


How to be happy #17:  

Pain grows wings

Have you considered that whatever you’re going through right now is necessary so you can build your wings. How else will you fly? Especially if you’ve big dreams. 

The greatest happiness principle I know, is to KNOW everything is for me. No matter what happens. It's part of Happiness #14 and #15. It's what makes you great.


How to be happy #18:  

Be in community.

Social connection gives you a greater chance to succeed. Find people who are already living what you desire. Connect and spend time with them. Make time to build the relationships you have. This not only increases the likelihood for success but it also increases your capacity to experience love.

Love is what gives you hits of oxytocin - a powerful happy chemical.

If your current community causes more pain the stress, don't wait. Lead the community you want to build around new interests. Social media makes that so possible today.

For if there is a you - there is a them. Just waiting for you to find them. Be a leader of your own life. 


How to be happy #19:  

Cultivate your love quotient.

The greater your love quotient the better you'll feel inside. The greater your love quotient the more wisdom you'll be able to cultivate.

'Love has the capacity to dissolve all calamity,' - to paraphrase the great Master Ching Hai, a meditation teacher from Vietnam. 

You do not need to find it. For you are made from love. Your very being is love. It is your thinking and doing that gets in the way from experiencing your own great self. 


How to be happy #20:

How you define happiness defines YOU 

Ultimately the definition of happiness is a personal choice. Be warned in how you define happiness

…because whatever you say it is will end up defining you.



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Any happiness or stress management tips, advice or recommendations on my website, is not to be taken as medical advice. If you're struggling with anxiety, feeling low or an illness, visit a doctor or professional medical practitioner, especially before making changes to your current treatment. I urge you research anything and everything on your own before you make any changes. I'm a life coach and teacher. I'm not a doctor, therapist, nutritionist or personal trainer. I share freely share my experiences, my story, my opinions and research findings. It is my legal obligation to tell you I am not God but simply another human being like you, walking a path of trial and error. Kalavati Cafe, and anyone associated to this website or courses, can not be held responsible or liable for any choices you take. 

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