Happiness Is An Inside Power...

The Outside World Is A
Reflection of What Is Unresolved Within

By Jo Hazelhurst-Ntsebeza

Looking for ways to manage stress?
End the self-hate!

1. One of the best ways to manage stress......is to manage what you can control:

YOU! 

I once thought something is desperately wrong with me. Because I'd failed. I'd failed to complete projects. I'd failed to succeed at my business. I'd failed with my boyfriends. I felt like a loser. Once the life of any adventure. Now, even a coffee date felt too much work. I lived on an the ledge. Ready to explode. What I didn't know is I'd hit my stress edge.

I said no to meetings and socials. Until my friends no longer put me on the list. I'd got what I'd asked for. Everyone left me alone. Finally, I was invisible. I had no expectations to be anything more. I could breathe.  Only now I was alone with me. And I didn't like what I could see. Not only did I not know how to sit alone with my own thoughts, I now felt unwanted, isolated, abandoned and unloved.

 Don't do what I did. Don't cut yourself off. Because...


2. Self Hate Sucks

One of the best ways to manage stress is to not hate on yourself for where you are in your life right now. You are perfectly you! That's how you make lemonade out of lemons.

One of the best ways to manage stress is to not hate on yourself for where you are in your life right now. You are perfectly you! That's how you make lemonade out of lemons.

Whatever the challenge, whatever you're faced with,nothing can compare to the self-hate. If you don't have the will to implement my stress management tips, know......the way you SEE and FEEL about yourself, matters the most when things are rough. 

I think there's a time in anyone's life, when things fall apart. I call it the 'any-age' midlife crisis. For some, it happens often. More often than not. It's as if it's just their lot. For others, achievement is high, until BHAM, their world collides. Suddenly, their life is a major traffic jam. You wonder what happened to lose YOU.

Now when you're here you want to run, to hide, make sure you're unseen.

One of the best ways to manage stress is to not hate on yourself for where you are in your life right now. You are perfectly you! That's how you make lemonade out of lemons.


3. One of the ways to manage stress is to connect in community.

Stress management tip - Don't isolate. You need to connect to increase your happy chemicalsStress relief tip - Don't isolate. You need to connect to increase your happy chemicals.

It increases your happier chemicals oxytocin (a stress buster). Know you're not alone. When in the valley, allow yourself the space to be human. Find someone to talk to.

Because I've not met anyone who doesn't feel pain. Who isn't terrified of life when it all falls apart.I've a young friend whose unlike anyone I know. She's wise and calm, uneasily flustered. Takes life in her stride. She speaks like a sage. I've secretly wondered if she's human. The day she found out her husband had an affair, she got so so mad. She blazed a trail of rage. My friend, who is incredibly rich, was most stressed when his wife spent money. He feared he couldn't keep up, and what if he lost it all. He behaved like an a-hole. Because he had no control. Not even money makes us whole. 

Underneath, we all have our demons. We have a place we buckle under, when we hit that stress edge. The time it lasts and intensity may vary......But to not experience a falling apart?There is not a human who does not know this pain, and unfortunately often there is shame. There's no greater collective experience than emotional pain and suffering.


5. The real pain, is you're not who YOU think you should be. The stress is inside you far more than any voice on the outside

There's no greater collective experience than emotional pain and suffering.There's no greater collective experience than emotional pain and suffering.

NO matter how bad it is, you're not a failure! There's enough outside pressure to make you feel crappy for not being a certain kind of success. You think to yourself:

'No matter how hard I try, it's just not enough.' 

No one helps. You're sure they judge you. With their amazing lives. You may resent the notion of authentic happiness all together. What a lie. Most of all it makes you think,'Something must be really, really wrong with ME!'You're dying inside. You're tired. You'd give anything to just sleep. You're desperate to hide. Angry at the world for making it so hard. And secretly ashamed for not living up to who this world wants you to be.  You can't anymore. One of the ways to manage your stress is to stop living a facade. 

You're not alone. Many people secretly disappointed in their lives.

Most of us question our lives. We all go through a time where we feel desperate inside. You can think you're crazy when you fall apart. Helplessness does that. "Why am I unhappy? Why am I depressed?"You blame yourself, for not being more. For not being someone you yourself can adore. Let go of this ideal of who you believe you should be. I know it's cliche, but can you be okay with who you are right now - today?Because nothing is wrong with you.


6. Accept the valley you're in. The valley needs rest and validation before we're ready for the climb. Validation is a doorway for acceptance. Through acceptance the desire to live for the light. Allow yourself some space to breathe. Now, not all stresses are burn outs. Not all burn outs are valleys. Every project and relationship comes with stress. You can't choose what happens to you. But you can teach yourself how to deal with stress of what happens. You're looking for relief. And a little knowing you have some control. If not over life, at least over you.


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Any happiness or stress management tips, advice or recommendations on my website, is not to be taken as medical advice. If you're struggling with anxiety, feeling low or an illness, visit a doctor or professional medical practitioner, especially before making changes to your current treatment. I urge you research anything and everything on your own before you make any changes. I'm a life coach and teacher. I'm not a doctor, therapist, nutritionist or personal trainer. I share freely share my experiences, my story, my opinions and research findings. It is my legal obligation to tell you I am not God but simply another human being like you, walking a path of trial and error. Kalavati Cafe, and anyone associated to this website or courses, can not be held responsible or liable for any choices you take. 

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