Hey ya! I'm Jo!

I help people experience authentic
happiness in their relationships

How To Overcome Perfectionism
Make Progress NOT Perfection

How to overcome perfectionism! 
Watch this LIVE video recording
of our weekly FB Live Class.

This class was recorded live in our Facebook group, May 31st, 2017. Participate used the chat text box of the FB live. You won't see that here. Make sure instead, you have a pen and notebook ready. Have a great class. 

I encourage you to do the assignments in our FB Group. It holds you accountable, it's fun. You get to be part of an AWESOME community. Check out what some of our group members posted in the first couple of days after the class. 

Perfectionism Disorder?

There is a difference between perfectionism and OCD. Perfectionism is a symptom of OCD, but is not in itself a disorder. It is a way of thinking about things.

I first learned about THINKING filters from the first UNDP Leadership, Coach training I attended. Some of these are listed in David Burns's book, Feeling Good. 

  • ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING: It must be EVERYTHING or NOTHING at all. You believe there is no point in doing something if it can't be EVERyTHING you imagine it SHOULD be. If you don't think you'll do it ALL, you'd prefer to do NOTHING. You remain INACTION. You become paralysed.
  • WRONG / RIGHT THINKING: Only one person can be right. If you're right, someone must be wrong. There is no room for multiples perspectives, no room for seeing the grain of truth in every perspective. That means if they are right, you'll make yourself wrong. The result is either blaming and shaming yourself, or blaming and shaming another. Linked to this is the next one...
  • EITHER / OR THINKING: There is no grey. It has to be EITHER this OR that. Another way to think of this is 'My way or the hi-way.' This makes for much conflict in relationships. If someone doesn't do it your way, you believe they are WRONG. If you are unable to accept the grey, you become aggressive or avoid a situation all together.
  • FAULT FINDING THINKING: Seeing a fault in what you and others do. Seeing what's wrong in the world. Fault finding makes you hyper critical, and a pain in the behind to live with. You'll see nine things wrong for every one thing right. Usually this results in NOT DOING. Or not completing
  • NOT GOOD ENOUGH THINKING Believing you are not enough, that people in your life are not enough, that the world is not enough. This thinking will cause you to seek approval from others. It leaves you feeling dissatisfied no matter how much you're given, no matter how much you're acknowledged. People in your life will find no matter how much they do for you, it will never be enough. You'll often feel either needy or be demanding in your relationships.
  • EXAGGERATION AND MINIMISATION THINKING:  Exaggerating flaws, and minimising what is well and beautiful in something or someone. 
  • SHOULD THINKING: Focusing on what SHOULD be. Living in your head a picture that is based on idealism and is not reality. Being unable to be at peace with the NOW. Living in the past. Fearing the future.
  • LABELING THINKING: Labelling yourself negatively, based on your imperfections, mistakes and failures. For example, labelling yourself as a LOSER, or a FAILURE when you don't get the result you seek. 
  • PERSONALISATION THINKING: Blaming yourself or others when things don't go your way. Assuming the worst about why someone rejects you, is critical of something you do. You take feedback as personal. You believe if you were perfect, if something wasn't wrong with you, all feedback would be positive feedback.

Tell us below, which of these thinking errors cause you unhappiness? Take the class and share your #ProgressNotPerfection below in the comment section. Make sure you sign up for our next free webinar. 

New! Comments

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How Can I Help You ?

Any happiness or stress management tips, advice or recommendations on my website, is not to be taken as medical advice. If you're struggling with anxiety, feeling low or an illness, visit a doctor or professional medical practitioner, especially before making changes to your current treatment. I urge you research anything and everything on your own before you make any changes. I'm a life coach and teacher. I'm not a doctor, therapist, nutritionist or personal trainer. I share freely share my experiences, my story, my opinions and research findings. It is my legal obligation to tell you I am not God but simply another human being like you, walking a path of trial and error. Kalavati Cafe, and anyone associated to this website or courses, can not be held responsible or liable for any choices you take. 

How to overcome perfectionism!

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