Hey ya! I'm Jo!

I help people experience authentic
happiness in their relationships

by Jo Hazelhurst-Ntsebeza, 2017.

The Meaning of Procrastination!
Why it's a dirty word!

Wanna know how to how to be happy?
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What is the meaning of procrastination? In this case - connection, celebration and fun. We're increasing our happy chemicals. 

Really? Oh Yes!!

This is me procrastinating the writing of content I'm struggling with. Instead, I invited Polite to celebrate our birthday. There was a long list of things to be done. Here we are having fun at Free Food.

Can you see how bad I feel for my choice? Can you see how frustrated I am? Now I'm even further behind, dammit!!!!

C'mon, be serious, what is the meaning of procrastination?

The word, like swearing, covers up what's really going on. It keeps us from being honest with ourselves. I call it a dirty word. 

When we see ourselves as procrastinators, we perceive ourselves as less. It means we don't believe we're trustworthy to do what must be done. 

We think to ourselves: If I were just more... THEN...

When we believe we're not trustworthy, we don't believe we have the power to make things happen. We're left with a sense of helplessness.The word procrastination trains us to believe, 'I can't, I'm useless, I'm lazy, my dreams are impossible.'

The only real meaning of procrastination is that life meets us where we are...

...so when we see ourselves as procrastinators, life will support us. 

Technology will not work, people will cancel their meetings or show up late, clients don't pay us on time. Our friends or team members don't do what they said they'd do. We make promises we can't keep. Life meets us where we are.

Procrastination is a stressful self-perception. It's a story we use because it feels easier than telling ourselves the truth.

The meaning of procrastination is simple: 

You've just prioritized somewhere, someone or something else in your life more. 

It may be a positive somewhere else, or it may be a negative somewhere else. No matter.

If it's a positive somewhere else, GREAT! It means you're engaged in what matters most to you right now. Make peace with your decision. 

This is the meaning of procrastination. You have another priority. Claim it. 

I was working with one of my corporate exec clients last week. She runs an international business of a few hundred people. Her hump is this. She wants to spend more time with her family. What gets in her way is the client trouble shooting her business requires. No matter what solutions are found, despite the great team she has, she insists on being there herself, 

When it comes down to it, she  admits although the idea of more family time appeals to her, the business is her number one WHY in her life. It's her happy space. The family feels like a SHOULD and a HAVE TO. The business feels effortless. 

Getting honest with herself allowed her to accurately assess the impact of the REAL priority instead of living in wishful thinking land. 

My husband once told me in a disagreement, (I paraphrase him here the way by the way. Who knows what he really said.) 

"Jo, I don't mind what you decide. But make the decision and be at peace with it. Don't make a decision and feel guilty. I may not like your choice. Live with it. You don't get to manage how I feel. Take responsibility for your choice and commit to it. Otherwise you create drama, switching back and forth, wanting my approval. 

Like OH MY WOW..I was silent. Because I need him to say it was okay that I was choosing something that was not in his interests. 

Bottom line - BE AT PEACE WITH WHERE YOU ARE. Your life today is the result of your thoughts and habits 2-5 years ago. Don't play a victim to what you chose. Acceptance is the fastest route to something new. And to a happier you. 

If it's your fears getting in the way, it just means you're putting your comfort levels first.

It turns out I'm not making this up. There is a science to it, so says Dr Ellen Langer, clinical psychologist from Harvard’s  Ellen Langer Mindfulness Institute. 

She says: "There are always things we’re not doing whenever we choose to do anything, and by that reasoning, each of us is always procrastinating."

 When you know that - you can do something about it. You can increase your capacity to handle discomfort by raising your ability to handle stress. It's possible my client is afraid of what it means to spend time with family. Acknowledging the fear, allows for her to do the inner relationship work - until she's ready for it. 

Often the reason we procrastinate is because we don't know HOW to do something. What is on the to do list doesn't feel natural. We don't know where to start. But when the WHY is strong enough, when it matters enough - the discomfort will be worth it.

Think back to a time you felt crazy in love. You'd have walked 20km to see him or her. If you have children, you can imagine what lengths you'd go to, to protect them. You've already done things you'd never have thought you could.

Your WHY will win, every time. 

The focus on the idea of procrastination and your story around it is a form of self-hate. 

It only serves to make you feel worse. The worse you feel, the less you do. It's this very self-hate that's stopping you from the inner resources you need to show up consistently in making your dreams a reality, or to find solutions to your challenges, and to build the relationships you need to support your goals.

It's not your procrastination that stops you from living your dreams. It's your self-hate. It's not your procrastination that stops you from your happiness. It's your self-hate. 

This self hate becomes an excuse FOR EVERYTHING. Including your misery. The best way to manage stress, is to stop the self-hate.

Drop the word procrastination from your personal dictionary. You are worthy of feeling GREAT.

Because when you feel great, the action steps involved will not seem like a mountain. Even if you don't quite know how. Your fear will shrink. You'll feel twice as tall. 

Who would you be if you committed to the dream that matters most, even if you failed? 

One of my students posted this in response to one of the assignments this week in the Dreams Challenge:

Building and achieving your dream will give you the opportunity to become great. In itself, your dream will not make you happy. I repeat this like a stuck record. I want you to really get it. Because when you believe your dreams will make you happy, you won't be happy with who you are right now. From this place, procrastination serves your choice to feel like crap. 

Instead, the making of your dream will reveal to you your self-hate. That internal dialogue that thinks you should be somewhere else, anywhere else except where you are right now. 

I love it when my dreams trigger me. It affords me the opportunity to heal.

I no longer use the word procrastination. When my mind thinks I am, I ask myself, what am I not being honest about here? What belief does this word hide?

Consider dropping this word. Don't let it rob you of your energy. Notice the difference in your BEING. I'll bet you, you'd jump into action twice as much. 

XOXO, Love Jo

Copyright 2017

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How Can I Help You ?

Any happiness or stress management tips, advice or recommendations on my website, is not to be taken as medical advice. If you're struggling with anxiety, feeling low or an illness, visit a doctor or professional medical practitioner, especially before making changes to your current treatment. I urge you research anything and everything on your own before you make any changes. I'm a life coach and teacher. I'm not a doctor, therapist, nutritionist or personal trainer. I share freely share my experiences, my story, my opinions and research findings. It is my legal obligation to tell you I am not God but simply another human being like you, walking a path of trial and error. Kalavati Cafe, and anyone associated to this website or courses, can not be held responsible or liable for any choices you take. 

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